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Greet the oldest person in the room first

When you walk into a Vietnamese home or meeting, greet the eldest person present before anyone else, and use a kinship term (older brother/sister, aunt/uncle) rather than a name when you address someone older than you.

VietnamSocialcasualUpdated September 2, 2026

Scan the room before you start greeting people, and go to whoever looks oldest first, even if they’re seated furthest from the door or aren’t the one who invited you. A right-hand handshake is fine for the actual greeting; the ordering is what carries the weight.

If you’re learning any Vietnamese at all, learn the kinship terms before you learn much else — anh/chị for someone a bit older, ông/bà for someone elderly, em for someone younger than you. Getting the term roughly right matters more than getting the grammar around it right.

  • This is the same instinct behind the business-card handshake order — greeting elders first at a meeting isn’t a separate rule from the social one, it’s the same hierarchy applied in a business setting.

Why it matters

Vietnamese social interaction runs on Confucian-influenced respect for age and seniority, and that shows up directly in language: there's no neutral "you" the way English has one, so speakers pick a kinship term (anh for a man slightly older, chị for a woman slightly older, ông or bà for someone elderly) based on the other person's age relative to their own, every time they speak. Skipping the eldest person to greet whoever's nearest, or defaulting to a flat "you" and first name, reads as not having registered who's actually in the room, even when it isn't meant that way.

Source: Vietnamese Etiquette Guide – Viet Nam National Authority of Tourism

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